1. George Lucas

Anyone who has proclaimed to me the glittering wonders of the film Avatar needs to shut their mouth and shut it right now. Why? Apparently the film has inspired George Lucas to makeSTAR WARS IN 3D!

"Who knows, maybe it'll be good" yeah and maybe Jar Jar Binks is the new Chewbacca. It's sad to me that George Lucas seems intent on reliving the bygone days when he was king of the nerds, where just the mere hint that he was writing a new screenplay would overload countless bbs servers across America. Those hints are now more like threats to subject us to further nullification of his franchise.

What's sad is that our addiction to seeing Star Wars movies just on the feint HOPE that they'll be good is so strong, and our revulsion to them afterwards so painful that I could see Lucas literally going on live television and demanding that unless we sacrifice our first borns in his name he will unleash Star Wars: The Baby Yoda Saga in 3d and getting complicity from at least half of us. Sorry Henry.

George....YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART!

2. Tourism

The devastation in Haiti is one of the worst humanitarian crises in Human History. As the death toll soars ever higher, and the bodies literally pile up in the streets the feeling of helplessness many of us are undergoing is palpable and depressing.

So let's forget our troubles by going on a Carnival Cruise with a stop in...YOU GUESSED IT...HAITI!

What. The. Hell?

Actually the cruise line does make a good argument for their case. After all they do supply a much needed boost to the local economy with their resort, and the people who work there do still have jobs and need to provide for their families. I don't blame them for carrying on honestly. I just feel bad for any of the tourists who aren't heartless enough to enjoy themselves just a mile or so away from mountains of corpses. Maybe they could market this to the Goth/Emo tourists?

3. Men

A conman posed as a beautiful female model in order to trick guys into sending her money.

"Texan Police said Justin Brown, 24, masqueraded as Californian Guess Jeans and Maxim swimwear model Bree Condon, 23, for two years."

He apparently went on a website called SeekingMillionaire.com, I guess because "RichGullibleBastards.com" and "RichFishInABarrel.com" were already on to him and said he/she just wanted to meet "Mr. Right".

Personally a flag would have gone up for me when I saw that she was using pictures from THE MOST POPULAR MEN'S MAGAZINE ON THE MARKET!

MrTrustFUNd: So do you have any more pics of you?

TotallyScammingYou: Sure, here's one from Christmas! Thank God that guy from FHM was there to take pictures of me getting out of the pool...that's a moment I didn't want to lose to forgetfulness.

Also you notice that these kind of scams are always man on man crime. That tells me that either women still have no god damn idea just how retarded we are when it comes to wanting to have sex with them, or they just prefer to exploit us in real life instead of through a computer.

4. The Judicial System

Come on, who hasn't fantasized about doing this? This guy just had the guts in his blood to do it.

A 61-YEAR-OLD US man who slapped a stranger's two-year-old child in a Stone Mountain Wal-Mart was found guilty of child cruelty and sentenced to six months in jail.

It's weird but the fact that the kid isn't his makes it seem almost all right.

5. Global Warming

Or rather lack thereof. They're predicting snow in Southern Arizona. Good luck with that whole cap and trade business Harry Reid.